Do you know someone that can be depressed? Can you notice it? I do, I saw her every single day… and can’t do anything about it.
When I was a child, I remember seeing my life going away without a chance to stop it and make a pause to take a deep breath to understand why. It was just me; nothing else. Just me not getting the why.
I grow up thinking that there should be more in this life than just wait for the next one and, in that search; I got lost in some point; there were not enough answers that can satisfy what I was looking for. Not a single thing.
For some people, was easy to think I was weird, some others just thought I was a spoiled brat; a few more said I need meds or to be institutionalized… well; none of them were right.
I needed more, and for some reason I wasn’t able to find it in any single thing I was looking on: classes, travels, people, work, friends or more. The emptiness was there, growing as an evil elf looking for his gold that keeps running away as a disgusting ghost.
Suddenly I saw something that catch my attention. It was in front of me, in a mirror and was looking at me as well. Just me. I could see the emptiness, the confusion and desperation in those eyes. I realized that what I was looking for was hidden inside there and it will take me a quite amount of time to found a sustainable answer. After a while; I buried it deep inside a frozen heart.
Years later I found the same eyes one morning looking for that same answer to the same silent question. Couldn’t stand them again and decide to avoid them as long as I could. No more mirrors in a lifetime.
Today, I looked again into those eyes, and was a huge mistake because I couldn’t’t turn away.
The same feeling, the same sadness and a huge emptiness still waiting to be filled. I wish to know nothing, feel nothing and see nothing so I could keep walking by. But I guess is too late now and I should face those fears hidden in those brown eyes.
That is a battle that should fight one day at a time and that most of the people around won’t notice at all. Just keep working on that frozen heart, the fake smile and a strong will to walk to keep looking for those answers for some brown eyes that are still waiting since a long time for that calm that remains hide.
Little Evil Dulce – 2018
Little Evil Tales 